Movie Date: Entourage

STARRING: Adrian Grenier, Kevin Connolly, Jerry Ferrara, Kevin Dillon, Jeremy Piven, Haley Joel Osment

DIRECTOR: Doug Ellin

THE SKINNY: The story continues where the series ended in 2011, where movie star Vince Chase (Grenier) now wants to be a director of a movie produced by his former agentturned- studio head Ari Gold (Piven). Vince’s bros Johnny Drama (Dillon), E (Connolly) and Turtle (Ferrara) are also living out their Hollywood dream of wild parties, booze and babes.

RATING: R21

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MARS

I did not like Entourage.

During those dark hours spent watching this, I considered undergoing unnecessary surgery to lighten the mood.

I wanted to find a way to euthanise this film. With a brick. Repeatedly.

Entourage could be the biggest cinematic waste of time since Sex And The City 2.

Like that film, this returns to a show long after its prime, turns the characters into caricatures and ditches plot in favour of aimless sketches.

Case in point: Johnny Drama goes viral thanks to a (solo) sex tape. His life is in ruins...for about a minute before it's swiftly forgotten.

What happens with Turtle and Ronda Rousey? Who knows, they either didn't bother or forgot to finish that story.

Particularly because that thread is left dangling, it gives the whole thing an air of "Will this do?".

And while it delves into pedantry, that fact that this is set soon after the show finished (late 2011) it completely ignores that people like Rousey or Vince's sort of love-interest Emily Ratajkowski were not famous back then. 

(Blurred Lines, where Ratajkowski was first noticed, was 2013). Oh yeah, and Pharrell was not wearing that hat in 2011.

Only apologists who blindly loved the once-great HBO series will like this.

Them and anyone who thinks a few bare breasts and "nice" celebrities swearing quash the need for any effort to be put in.

There's a decent film in there of Gold struggling against the money men to get a film completed, but it's lost.

It would require the other leads to have acting ability - something they have in thimbles.

Grenier, who it was a stretch to buy as a great actor in the TV show, is meant to be a great director in this film. A first-timer who aces it.

Which might be more convincing if we saw him on set. The closest to that is during the introductory segment where Piers Morgan interviews the main characters by way of introduction for audience newbies.

Yes. Minute upon minute of Piers Morgan kicks off this film. You can see why I wanted that brick.

What we do see is a clip of his "masterpiece". Except it looks like a clip from a commercial for sportswear or chewing gum. 

All the brilliance happens off camera. Vince is a great actor, Vince directs a genius film, Johnny Drama also acts his heart out.

But it does not work. Without the evidence, why root for these idiots?

But hey, the script has the character E become alluring to young women willing to get naked on camera.

It has to be said, Connolly is laughably fully covered for those scenes.

Was this contractual? Did Connolly demand these scenes happen? It seems very out of place for the character and the actor's apparent shyness is a bit perplexing.

Though I guess it would be weird if all four leads got into shape like Turtle did.

On the big screen, this film feels incredibly fake. 

The finale set at the Golden Globe awards is even tinged with sadness. Filmed last-minute on this year's Globes red carpet, only Piven looks like he really belongs. 

And when the footage of them smiling and waving is mixed with that of the real stars, the fakery stands out by a mile.

In a film awash with A-listers and genuine talent, the sad truth is that 11 years since the show started, the leads, aside from Piven, are still comparative nobodies pretending to be famous.

Rating: 0.5/5 (The half mark is for Piven)

- JONATHAN ROBERTS

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VENUS

I've never watched a single episode of Entourage.

And what a blessing in disguise.

Having caught this big-screen version, I don't think I've missed anything at all.

I still don't get why Hollywood bothers to "revive" TV shows for the cinema.

Sure, the TV series might have been a hit and won many awards, but those glory days are way over.

At least the Sex And The City movies have nice clothes, shoes and bags to keep me distracted.

What do we have here?

Cliches, sexist jokes, hot chicks in bikinis, and a neverending parade of celebrity cameos.

In a time where we're getting some really smart and entertaining comedies about bromances, here is something that feels like it's from the Stone Age.

Making it worse is that the guys can't act. It's no surprise the gang have yet to achieve success outside the show that ended four years ago, with Piven being the exception.

He's the only one who has segued from Entourage to other things, and deservedly so.

Piven brings much life to his Ari Gold, never failing to steal the thunder each time he shows up.

Now I know why he was the only castmember to have won the Golden Globe and Emmy awards

I'm so glad Friends won't be taking the same TV-to-movie route.

Rating: 1/5

- JOANNE SOH

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THE CONSENSUS: This is one Entourage we’d prefer not to hang with.